Slow turtle

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."

Docter

French doctor: Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take
a kidney out of one man, put it in another and have him looking for work in
six weeks.

German doctor:That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it
in, and have him looking for work in four weeks.

Russian doctor: In my country medicine is so advanced that we can take half
a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for
work in two weeks.

Texas doctor: You guys are way behind ; we recently took a man with no brain
out of Texas, put him in the White House for eight years, and now half the
country is looking for work.

Hide

Once an hunter was chasing an elephant, the elephant ran into a forest, on the way it met its Ant friend,
Ant : Hey, why are you running?
Elephant : Hunter is chasing me.
Ant (Generously) : You come and hide behind me.
Elephant : ??!

blood

An elephant was discharged from an hospital after an operation, on the way he met his friend Ant,
the ant said something to the elephant, on hearing that the elephant fainted, what was that? -
It said "I only gave blood for your operation".

motorbike

One fine morning, an ant goes off to the market on his new motorbike. On the way there, he meets an elephant who asks him for a ride to the market. The ant says, okay, hop on, and they're on their way to the market. A little while later, they come across another elephant who also wants a lift to the market. The ant says, okay, hop on, and they're again on their way to the market. Just before they reach the market, they crash into the truck. The paramedics arrive, and they see that the elephants are in a very bad condition, on the verge of death,.. but the ant has escaped with just a few minor injuries! Why is this so?


The ant was wearing a helmet (yeah, shoot me!).

basketball

The elephants of the jungle were playing basketball. There was one ant in the midst of all this. What was he doing?




she was the referee.

MERI TWACHA SEY MERI UMAR KA PATA HI NAHI CHALTA !

Ant : Haathi tumhari umar kitni hai?
Elephant: Paanch Saal !!!

Ant : Paanch Saal aur itnay bade !!!
Elephant: I AM A COMPLAN BOY .

Elephant: Cheetti tumhari umar kitni hai ?
Ant: Tees Saal.

Elephant: Tees Saal aur itni chhoti.





Ant: Haan ....
I AM A SANTOOR GIRL.... MERI TWACHA SEY MERI UMAR KA PATA HI NAHI CHALTA !

Killer English

Killer English

Class teacher once said :
"Pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
Once hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to america.."
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
Dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said
" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
Teacher in a furious mood...
write down ur name and father of ur name!!
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
"Shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
My manager started like this
"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
"Will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"
************ ********* ********* ************ *
LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...
"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
"Why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"
************ ********* ********* ********* ****
Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..
"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??
************ ********* ********* ********* *****
Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..
"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

जो जगलाच नाही, तो मेला कसा?

तो फार सज्जन माणूस होता.

त्याने कधी सुपारीच्या खांडाचेही व्यसन केले नाही.

त्याने आयुष्यात एकही खोटा शब्द उच्चारला नाही.

त्याने परस्त्रीकडे डोळा वर करून कधीही पाहिले नाही...

... तो मरण पावला,

तेव्हा इन्शुरन्स कंपनीने क्लेम नाकारला...

... ते म्हणाले, 'जो जगलाच नाही, तो मेला कसा?!!!'

व्यक्ती

नेहमीच्याच बारमध्ये नेहमीच्याच मेंबरांची सपत्नीक पाटीर् ऐन रंगात आली होती. रामरावांसकट सगळ्यांनी दोन दोन क्वार्टर रिचवल्या होत्या. अचानक रामराव चित्कारले, ''मित्रहो, आपल्यापैकी जे विवाहित असतील, त्यांना मी असं आवाहन करतो की त्यांनी उठावं आणि ज्या व्यक्तीमुळे त्यांच्या आयुष्याला अर्थ लाभला, ज्या व्यक्तीमुळे त्यांचं आयुष्य सुखाचं झालं,त्या व्यक्तीच्या शेजारी जाऊन उभं राहावं...''

क्षणार्धात रोज दारू र्सव्ह करणाऱ्या बगाराम वेटरशेजारी अशी काही झुंबड उडाली म्हणता!!!!